She knew that it was supposed to make her feel bad, the way they talked about her, but really there was a sort of power in it. If people couldn’t help but talk about you it was probably worth it no matter what they had to say. And if her legs drew the eye, if her breasts held attention, then she had them for those few minutes, didn’t she?
It seemed like it would be worse not to be noticed at all. The thought lurched her stomach like she was hitting turbulence. What would it be like to just be there? To not be noticed? To blend in with the walls, with the desks? To be just one of the girls, curlers and make-up testing on a Friday night. Or worse, to be just one of the guys, drinking beer and stirring up girly belches to make her guy friends laugh.
She was more than that, she was bigger, she was better. The guys might have thought they were using her, rolling off and hurrying home, but they were fools. She had drawn them in to her web, and they were helpless – when she was done, she just cut the threads loose and let them drop.
She wasn’t stuck with some loser boyfriend that way. No one told her what to wear or how to cut her hair, or expected her to laugh at their jokes. They didn’t joke with her at all, and that was how she liked it. She didn’t have to be coy or play any games, there was no one to please but herself and that pleased her just fine.
The mothers talked, and the teachers gave her warnings of increasing sharpness, but she wasn’t buying into it. The guys tried to brag, and the girls tried to shame her, but they were missing something. Guys can only brag when they get one over on someone, but she was in charge all along. Girls can only shame you if you feel ashamed. She had been tired, bored, excited and satisfied by the guys she drew into her web, but she never once felt ashamed.
She slipped into her heels in front of the mirror, tugged down the hem of her skirt and the neckline of her shirt. She fluffed the sides of her hair, and put another layer of red on her lips. She nodded at her reflection, grinned and winked.
She had the web ready, it was time to draw a few pathetic creatures in.