I was really dreading Father’s Day.
I’ve always felt bad about how everyone on social media changes their photos and writes a little post about how their Dad is the greatest. All I could think of was how terrible people who had lost their Dads or people who didn’t have the Dad they needed (or any Dad at all) must feel about that celebration of fatherhood.
Usually, my Father’s Day post would be about how it was ok to feel however you feel about the day – to celebrate if you felt good and it was ok to be angry or sad or whatever and to take good care of yourself while you felt those feelings.
This year, though, I wasn’t even up to that.
I was dreading the day – especially since I seemed to be getting so many targeted ads about Father’s Day gifts. I suspect that all my posts about my Dad’s death signalled the algorithm that I wanted to see things about fathers (sigh.)
So, I made a plan for taking good care of myself in case the day was hard.
I felt ok about some things but not about others.
I was ok with doing the usual celebrations for my husband and with making cookies and a card for my beloved Father-in-law.
But I knew I couldn’t go and visit my FIL and I couldn’t drop by my Mom’s place.
And posting on FB was out of the question – in fact, I knew I had better minimize my time on there entirely.
With those protections in place, my day went as smoothly as possible.
I had a few tears – especially when it occurred to me to call my Dad so he wouldn’t think I had forgotten to wish him Happy Father’s Day.
I felt a bit down and kind of stuck so I took things as easily as possible, with lots of breaks and lots of low-key things I enjoy (I did a lot of doodling yesterday.)
I had a good text chat with a dear friend of mine.
I went to bed early.
It wasn’t an easy day but it wasn’t nearly as hard as it could have been.
I’m glad it’s behind me though.