Rest or Putter

I slept poorly last night.

I wasn’t awake all night. I didn’t feel stressed or anxious. I just didn’t get good quality sleep.

So this morning I felt thick and kind of yucky.

I tried to take a nap, but it didn’t feel restful.

So I was trying to decide whether to just stay in bed and read or to get up and do a few things.

And I always find that really difficult.

I’m not so caught up in the world of productivity that I feel like I must always be doing things.

My worth is not tied to my to do list and I know that rest is a part of life not something you have to earn.

This decision is logistical or functional.

Will I feel better if I lay low or will I feel better if I start doing things?

And there’s no way to tell at the outset.

There’s a real risk with the way my brain works then once I get going on some thing, I’ll just keep going even if it’s not making you feel better, but because I’ve committed to it.

So that makes me reluctant to start.

But I hate the idea that I could be prolonging feeling badly, because I have chosen to just sit there.

This morning I did a workaround by choosing just two tasks to do and to use those as an experiment and that worked out OK.

I do feel better now than I did earlier.

And perhaps, since my solution that I need to experiment (and do a controlled experiment at that) whenever I feel this way.