It just seems cruel for the weather to decide to be sunny today.

Sure, it’s a Saturday, so it’s good to have sun on the weekend.

But I’m not feeling well and it’s the worst stage of not feeling well.

You know, the stage where you *can* do the things that really have to be done but you shouldn’t overdo it?

And the stage where you feel a little bit like you might be malingering just to get out of your tasks?

A part of my brain balks at that immediately – how is resting malingering?

Why do I have these fears of being lazy or fears that I am trying to get away without doing my fair share?

I know that ADHD is part of the answer – it’s wired into my brain that if I tried harder I could do all of the things. Even if those things aren’t mine to do or even if I have already done a lot. If there is more to do, I must not have done enough. (Yes, this is as frustrating to experience as it is to read.)

Consciously, intellectually, I know that resting when I am sick is the right thing to do. Consciously, intellectually, I know that I do enough (and then some.)

But being sick but still recovering puts me into that tangle of fear that I am trying to get away with something.

And weather like this makes it worse.

It’s sunny and beautiful but it’s chilly.

So I’m getting the ‘get outside and do something’ feeling but it is being countered by the fact that I need to rest and that it is too cold (and too early in the season) to do a lot of my outdoor things.

So, yeah, the weather is being mean to me right now.

That jerk.