Determined to be hopeful

Starting off calm

I am starting this week with a feeling of calm.

I have made some lists, I have clarified my tasks, I have included rest and relaxation.

I am hoping that this conscious preparation can really help.

A photo of tiny, purple, daisy-like flowers among some grass
Image description: a photo of clusters of tiny, purple, daisy-like flowers amongst some grass. I took this photo on my walk yesterday.

A weekend’s work

I have had a very interruption-heavy couple of weeks and I have been having trouble getting some important tasks finished.

And that has been hard on my brain.

Everyone has trouble rebounding from interruptions but for those of us with ADHD interruptions are even more dangerous. Not only does the effort to get back on task take even more energy than it does for the average person but there is also the risk of getting even more distracted in the process.

And then my brain likes to toss around the idea that the delay in finishing things is due to something I “should” have been able to account for.

Once upon a time, those “should” thoughts were loud and would completely derail me but since being medicated they mostly just cause me some static. I’m not fully aware of them but they just kind of clutter up part of my brain.

And, of course, if my brain is cluttered then it is hard for me to make any of my plans or tasks really clear.

Which makes it hard for me to do them.

Which compounds the initial problem that the interruptions caused.

Which is why I have decided to spend a good chunk of my Saturday working to clear the backlog and get my brain decluttered.

Saturdays are usually pretty straightforward days with fewer interruptions.

Let’s see how it goes.

Sticking with a plan?

I often have trouble sticking with plans I made for getting my work done.

Either I underestimate the work involved, I forget about travel time, or I make some similar error and get on my own nerves.

Oh, and sometimes I plan for a regular day just when I have a bunch of unusual days coming up in a row.

Yesterday, I made a place for an ordinary day today but I had to pick up my car, go to the supermarket, and head to an appointment by 9:30.

That’s not an ordinary day so I couldn’t use my plan for an ordinary start.

Luckily, I have gotten past the point where I think that means I have failed. And I have stopped abandoning the whole plan when one thing goes wrong.

I still have a little trouble deciding how to change the original plan to match my reality though.

I guess these things just take time. 😉

Monday Braining

Last week, I had added all kinds of details into my Todoist lists about when I was going to do stuff and it caused me a lot of stress.

Since I add everything from walking the dog to answering an email to my to do list, I have a lot of items on a given day.

Normally, that’s not stressful since I know that the number on my list does not mean I have umpteen urgent items to do.

However, once I put those items on my calendar with a fixed time, I felt very stressed.

I had that sense of ‘too much to do’ overwhelm – even though it was the same number of things.

It was saying that I had to do this specific thing at this specific time that was causing the stress.

That’s kind of weird considering that assigning a time to a task usually brings me some relief. (Once a time is assigned, then I don’t have to keep asking myself subconsciously when I am going to do the thing.)

I think it was having so many ‘appointments’ on one day that felt so overwhelming.

And by putting them on the calendar, I lost the sense of flexibility that makes Todoist work for me.

So now I am trying to think in terms of time blocking, scheduling certain types of tasks for specific times and then doing them in whichever order makes sense to me in that timeframe.

Hopefully that will be less stressful.

Hurrah for Sunday

I don’t have anything scheduled today so my brain has been ‘off leash’ all day and I feel great.

I’ve done all kinds of stuff but I did it at my own pace and on my own schedule so this has been such a relaxing day so far.

Next up: reading on the patio until I feel like doing something else.

Update: I did get some writing done yesterday before going to the Art Crawl. AND everyone who visited our table at the crawl had a great time making a thumbprint monster.