Feeling Sick Is Boring

I found out a couple of years ago that the headaches that have plagued me for years are actually migraines. They have been relatively infrequent, just a few times a year, but they have been awful. Finding out that they were migraines was a kind of relief, actually, because it made me learn to take better care of myself instead of trying to power through them.

Over the last year though, things have taken a different turn and I have been having ‘silent’ migraines. All of the other awful symptoms but with no actual head pain.

I have a few days of being unfocused and sleepy (which I only notice in retrospect) and then I have an evening of feeling hellish.It’s horrible, of course, but it passes fairly quickly.

It’s the next day that really upsets me though.

That’s the day I feel better than I did but still not good. I’m well enough to do necessary things but not up to doing much. I feel okay enough to feel weird about lying around but I know that, if I don’t rest, this feeling will go on longer.

I can read but I’m not very focused. I can’t watch a tv show without feeling a bit nauseated. I don’t feel up to drawing. I’m too bleh to have a conversation.

It’s just boring, boring, boring.

Apparently, I *can* write a blog post though. 😉

A photo looking up at light fixture ceiling fan with brown blades.
My view all day. Image description: a photo looking up at a light fixture/fan with brown fan blades on a white ceiling. The top edge of a window can be seen at the bottom of the photo.

A Pause In My Day

One of the problems with having ADHD is that prevents you using time effectively.

So, I can be ‘working’ at my desk for hours but because I have switched tasks so often, I don’t have anything to show for it.

That can lead to more time at my desk in an effort to finish my tasks…and…and…so on.

As part and parcel of those executive function issues, I can lose track of the need to take a break. it’s not about me being a ‘workaholic’ or ‘Type A’ – I’m neither of those things. It’s a perception issue.

My plan is always to ‘just finish this and then take a break.’ Unfortunately, between the time it takes me to ‘just finish this’ and my challenges around understanding how long a given task will take, I can reach the end of the day having only taken a break for lunch. (And I only remember that because my husband comes home to lunch – which creates a distinct marker for lunch time. I rarely, if ever, forget to eat, but sometimes I multitask my lunchtimes.)

So, one of my goals for this summer to prioritize my break times.

I’m picking a time during the work day when I am going to relax for at least 15 mins. More, if my schedule allows.

That’s why this afternoon found me on my front step, reading, drinking tea, and watching the clouds.

So far, so good!

A view of a suburban neighbourhood and the sky, seen though a patio railing.
The view from my chair on the front step. Image description: A view of cars, houses, lilacs and the sky as scene through the black metal uprights and wooden railings of a set of steps.

My View When Writing

I have never seen myself as someone in need of protection but Khalee keeps an eye on me just in case.

This afternoon, I looked over from my writing to discover that she was doing slight more active surveillance than usual.

?

A light-haired dog is lying on her belly on a bed.
Image description: Khalee, a white and light brown dog, rests on Christine’s quilt. She’s watching Christine take her photo. There is a grey and black cardigan on the edge of the bed nearest the camera.

Gold Stars

Over the past few years, I have been giving out gold stars to coaching clients and to friends to celebrate their efforts towards whatever they happen to be working on.

I also give them to myself when I have put effort into something that is challenging for me.

Today, I’m celebrating my efforts to find a schedule that works for me.

(And for posting on my blog for 6 days in a row. Now that the habit is forming, I’ll move towards more variety and actual writing in my posts. 😉 )

GIF of a star being drawn in neon lights on a background
Image description: GIF of a star being draw in neon lights on a black background.

Walk #8

My post for Fit is a Feminist Issue yesterday was all about how much I have enjoyed walking the dog at around the same time every day for the past week. Being consistent with my exercise is always a challenge for me so even a one week streak is a victory for me.

But, as pleased as I am with my streak, I am especially pleased with myself for heading out for my walk today.

It was raining – so that was one challenge.

I accidentally missed our usual walk time because I was in the middle of reorganizing my office – that was another challenge.

If I didn’t have that 7 day streak going, I probably would have just not gone this evening.

But I do have that streak happening. That means that the decision to go on a walk has essentially already been made, it just comes down to timing.

So, instead of choosing whether or not to go, I just looked at the shape of my evening and decided when I could fit our walk in.

Khalee and I headed out at 8:10 and even though it was dull and drizzly, it was grand to be out and we had a great time.

A light-haired  dog on a lease walks across a bridge at dusk.   A suburban street is visible  at the top of the photo.
Khalee is a very determined walker.

One of the things I wanted to do on that walk, aside from getting exercise, was to come up with something to write about this evening and this was what occurred to me.

I wanted to capture and remember this feeling of how my walk became even more automatic today – just part of the landscape of my day.

When I am coaching people about building new habits, I encourage people to find a way to take the thing they want to do out of the realm of choice. The example I always use is brushing your teeth – you may not feel like doing it, it may not be much fun, but it is important and it is part of your day, and, most of the time, you don’t waffle, you just do it.

Today, my walk was like brushing my teeth – the weather didn’t matter, the fact that it was later didn’t matter – my walk wasn’t about ‘if’ I was going to go, it was about when.

Go me!

(and Go Khalee! too, of course)