I want a lot out of this month but I am trying to teach myself to add things slowly instead of trying to do everything all at once.
After all, I know that successful changes, new practices, come from starting small and building up.
I also know that jumping right into a bunch of new practices all at once feels good. I feel engaged and energetic and accomplished…until I run out of steam.
And despite the fact that I run out of steam EVERY SINGLE TIME, my brain still wants to chase that excited feeling of doing ALL OF THE THINGS.
Without the benefits of medication and experience, I would be planning to do more art, more writing, more exercise, more Taekwon-do, more house organizing, more everything all at once, starting right now, maybe half an hour of each, on top of what I already do each day.
It would be fun today but by the end of the week, I would be out of steam.
So, instead, I am layering all of those things into my life during May.
I will ‘touch’ each habit each day but only really focus on one at a time.
Well, I have kind of realized it before but I have only recently come to understand the full extent of it.
I’m not a ‘workaholic’ and I am not obsessed with productivity but my brain has a hard time prioritizing so even at my most relaxed, I am aways pushing away the idea that I *should* be doing something else.
And sometimes, I am also keeping an eye on the clock to see if I have been relaxing ‘too long.’
It’s easier if I have chosen an activity with a clear completion point but I can then choose, in advance, to say “I’m going to do this thing until this point.” That gets me out of the wondering about the time frame but it hasn’t saved me from having to consciously choose to ignore the ‘shoulds.’
For me, living with ADHD has often been about bracing for the fact that I may have misjudged the time, scope, or schedule for doing something important. There is always the chance that the thing that has slipped my mind is a key task or an important deadline that I have not allowed enough time for.
So, even though I take lots of downtime, it can take a lot of work to get my whole mind to corporate.
But, I am getting better at shutting those thoughts out in advance. Part of my success comes from being conscious of the issue and saying, aloud, “I’ve done X, Y, Z, and that’s enough for now, so I am going to read for half an hour.” but another part is just about sheer practice.