Story-A-Day May – I just don’t think I can. #7

(Turns out it took me longer than an hour, I had some kid-wrangling to do. 7 different little stories in less than two hours isn’t bad though, hey?)

There’s value in just not trying.

You don’t always have to be the brave one, it’s totally okay to be the wimp. It saves your ass sometimes. I’ve heard a saying about it somewhere that goes like this ‘It’s better to be a coward for a minute than dead for the rest of your life.’ That’s got merit, really. What’s the good of being a hero if you aren’t even around to enjoy it? And besides if you get to be a hero, then everyone expects you to be all heroic all the time. Who wants that?

There’s way too much pressure to step up, to have to face the demons, to dance with the devil, to defeat the bad guy. I don’t think we should be celebrating that at all. It just makes ordinary people feel bad, really, and who needs that? I’m sick of feeling bad. I just want to give up trying to be good. I just want to go ahead and fall for the evil guy’s plans and follow along. I’d be an excellent minion.

 I want to wimp out, to take the easy road, to follow the bad guy on the path of world destruction. I don’t want to be like the Little Engine That Could with that perky ‘I think I can!’ , I want to be the Little Engine Who Didn’t Give A Damn … ‘ I just don’t think I can, I just don’t think I can.’ and then I’ll slide back down the hill and hang out at the proverbial station for the rest of the afternoon.

Maybe then everyone would get off my back and let me live my life the way I like to.

Story-A-Day May I just don’t think I can. #6

I know some people just bounce right back but I’m not one of those people. I’ve never been one of those people. Hell, I can remember every ice cream cone I every dropped when I was a kid, every toy I lost. It took me two years to get over being fired. I have never forgiven the kid who won the dance contest at performing arts camp when I was sure I was going to win.

I don’t handle disappointment well. I haven’t got the knack.

They tell me that I’ll get over this, that it will get better in time, but I spent six month searching for this dress, and another six months hiding it from him so I could avoid bad luck. My parents spent a fortune on the dinners and the cake. And I spent two hours in the porch at the church expecting him to show up at any minute.

Some people bounce right back, but I just don’t think I can.

Story-A-Day May – I just don’t think I can. #5

I should have known better than to bring my sister into the delivery room with me. I don’t know what I was thinking. The situation is difficult enough without having to put up with a smartass like her.

I mean, really, I’m there doing what has to be the most difficult task of my life, with a audience of practical strangers. I’m thirsty, I’m tired and I am just about out of energy. I push, and it feels like nothing happens. Sure, maybe from the other end they could see some progress, but from my perspective it was all sweaty misery. I know there is joy in the end, I get that, but that middle part is NOT a party. Anyway, so I’m there, exhausted from my efforts and I kind of whimper pathetically ‘I just don’t think I can.’

I needed sympathy, you know? Maybe a cool cloth on my forehead, something like that.

Instead, I get Margaret. She leans forward so she takes up my whole field of vision and she says ‘Can’t do this? The hell you can’t. The kid can’t stay in there – there’s no room for the crib.’

I will swear to the end of my days that reaching up to slap her gave me the energy I needed to push that baby out.

Story-A-Day May I just don’t think I can. #4

“I just don’t think I can.”

“Sure you can. You can do this. You were perfect in rehearsal yesterday. Your body knows how to do this, even if your mind is saying you don’t.”

“My mind is saying I’m an idiot. My mind is saying that I am 41 years old and I have no business doing a dance number on stage.”

“How old will you be if you don’t do the dance number?”

I’m sure she could hear my eye roll.

“Don’t try and positive affirmation me, Ginny! I just don’t think I can do this. I don’t want to.”

“Is this one of those times when you will swear up until the last second that you can’t do something and then at crunch time, you’ll be standing on your mark? All right, carry on with your faux-panic then.” She whirled off, the taps on her shoes clicking against the floorboards as she abandoned me to my self-pity.

The main problem with bringing my best friend when I try something new is that she knows me too well.

I straightened my shoulders and waited in the wings for my cue.

Story-A-Day May – I don’t think I can. #3

Except for the instructor, I was the last one left.

I stood in the open airplane door and looked down. I had forced myself to join everyone on the skydiving adventure. I didn’t want to be the kind of person who backed down because she was afraid, I wanted to be the kind of person who, when faced with a challenge, thought ‘Well, I jumped out of an airplane, how hard could anything else be?’

But as I stood there, I realized that I wasn’t consumed with thoughts of ‘I don’t think I can.’ Instead, I was thinking ‘Why the hell am I here? I don’t have to do this to be brave.’

So, I slid back along the inside of the plane, and sat back down. I blew the instructor a kiss and gave her the thumbs up before motioning for her to go on without me.