There’s nothing wrong and it certainly wasn’t a bad day but it has felt all out of order.

It’s as if I did everything at the wrong time all day.

Even though there were no specific times for me to do things today.

Well, except for tea with my friend at 2pm but I did that at the right time.

My brain clock must be a bit further off that usual, I guess.

I’m trying to teach myself how to make a folded paper craft.

I’m doing ok with it but it’s kind of like I am teaching myself to be patient AND teaching myself a new skill at the same time.

Let’s just say it’s tricky.

Aside from blog posts, I haven’t gotten much writing done this year.

I’m assuming the problem is mostly that I haven’t chosen a specific time to write and/or that I haven’t narrowed down what I want to write about.

That’s the downside with being a creativity coach – I know the damn solutions to the problems even though I can’t automatically apply them.

I wish it was a magic trick and that identifying the issue would immediately make it sort itself out.

I’m not sure of my verb tense there.

Is it still his birthday if he is no longer here to celebrate it?

Should I have said ‘today is my Dad’s birthday’?

Damned if I know.

But one thing I’m sure of is that I’m really feeling the truth of the adage that grief is love with nowhere to go.

I woke up at 5am with a migraine in progress.

This was a silent migraine not a head pain one so my main symptoms were nausea and vomiting. (Not a fun way to spend your time, by the way.)

And I had the other symptom that plagues me during this type of migraine – intense stress and anxiety about something I can’t change plus a big dose of self-recrimination.

I have always that that stress was one of those things that brings on that type of migraine. Maybe it is but I have had a lot of stress in this past year and I have had few, if any, of this since March of 2023.

Last night, as I was lying on the dark with my mind racing, not sure whether throwing up would make me feel better or worse, I realized that I couldn’t move my thoughts away from that stress. I literally couldn’t make myself think about anything else.

(Usually, when I get stressed in a non-migraine situation, I can make a conscious choice to explore some other idea and breathe my way through the worst of things. Not last night though.)

And that made me realize that this problem often happens when I have those type of migraines.

So now I am wondering if those type of thoughts are a symptom of my silent migraines instead of the cause of them?

Interesting to consider but I hope that I don’t have much opportunity to figure it out one way or another.