You know when you go to the supermarket for a few things and next thing you are in the line juggling a huge pile of stuff on your arms because you got way more than you meant to?

And you know how you often end up with a weird feeling in one of your hands because you were holding on to something with a pinkie or a thumb and it was too heavy for one finger – or too heavy across the palm of your hand?

I’ll admit, this image is only tangentially related to this post but they both give me the same feeling of ‘Ah, yes. Right!’

And you didn’t realize that your hand was hurting until you put everything down because previous to that point you were focused on the balancing instead of on what you were carrying?

I’m kind of finding that with a lot of things in my work/volunteer life lately.

I mean, I knew I was juggling a fair bit but over the past couple of months I have brought my attention to all of the things that were actually in my hands.  And, I have been laying them down one by one and seeing how much I actually want to be carrying.

And my hands feel weird because I had stuff hung off all of my fingers and they were hurting, but I didn’t realize it.

I had no idea how much I had in them until I put the stuff down – my focus was on keeping the pile balanced.

I am being VERY careful about how much I pick back up.

Does this feel familiar to you?

Has your focus been on the balance, too?

Can you turn your attention to your hands instead?

You know how there are some songs that are just stirring?

AFP’s In My Mind is one of those for me.

It’s the perfect combination of wistful and ass-kicking and it makes me want to jump out of my chair and just get some shit DONE.

After all, I don’t want to be one of those people who is pounding the lid, wanting to get a tattoo that says they are living in the moment.

What song makes you feel all stirred up?

So, as many of you may recall, I have a novel called ‘Breeding Demons’ that I wrote back in 2010. It was a NaNoWriMo novel and while the STORY was a good one it wasn’t even close to being publishable.

I have struggled with it ever since.

Shortly before I discovered what I needed to do with my novel, I discovered another important thing:
If you take a draft of your novel to read in the tub, make sure there are no loose pages. #IDidNotCheck #WaterEnhanced #DoesNotCleanUpWell

I had no idea how to revise it. I knew that I didn’t really have a ‘book’ per se – I had a really strong outline of the basic plot written out into scenes. I knew this but it still didn’t help.

I couldn’t see how to break apart the scenes I had to add in the necessary pieces to make it into a book.

It’s not that I thought it was too perfect the way it was. It’s not that I was too intimidated by the changes needed. It’s not that I was afraid of the work.

It’s that I literally had no idea how to get from where it was to where it has to be.

Last spring, I took it with me on a writing retreat and I worked hard on the layers that I needed to add. I didn’t write any more of the actual scenes, I wrote ABOUT the scenes* and about the characters, and about the plot. I clarified what the novel was about.

But still, I couldn’t figure how how to start weaving those layers in.

This week, though? Thanks to a commitment I made with my friend, Kate Newbill, I revisited the manuscript. I got ten pages in and it struck me…

I can’t use any of this for my book.

I mean, I can use the ideas, I can use the scene framework, but the writing itself is a bit too snappy, a bit too inside-jokey. A bit too off-the-cuff.

Sounds like a crisis, hey?

It’s NOT! It’s TERRIFIC!

I’m free from figuring out how to make what I have better. I’m free from figuring out how to piece two sets of ideas together.

Instead, I can read a scene, figure out the most important points, and then write it the way I want to now. I can include the threads that will lead to later developments. I can write the book I want to write now – I’m not bound by the one I wrote over six years ago.

VICTORY!

I can already see how to proceed and I will be starting today.

More updates as events warrant.

*A concept I learned from Joan Clark in a terrific workshop last winter. If you ever get a chance to take a workshop from her or Bernice Morgan, do it. Right away.

This is a ‘Drabble’ – a piece of flash fiction that’s 100 words long – that I wrote this morning.

I have one posted on my FB page today, too. See it here!

I can be VERY patient with other people but when it comes to me and my work, I can be extremely impatient. I always think that there must be faster way to do Thing X and I get annoyed at myself for taking so long.

Of course, things (X, Y , Z or whatever) take as long as they take. All I accomplish by getting annoyed with myself is the annoyance of being annoyed.

I drew this for myself on January 1, in the hopes that it will set a tone for my year.

I’m doing pretty damn good so far.