I had lots of time to work today.

So, of course, this is when I come down with something.

I think it’s just a cold but still.

I need a long day filled with orderly tasks that does not get interrupted by meetings and outside commitments.

I wonder how I can set myself up with that sort of boundary without creating too much of an expectation for myself how can I make it easy for myself to do that?

I think I’ve started by tidying my desk, so well, perhaps that’s step one

Today marks six months since my Dad died.

I don’t have anything profound to say about it.

It just hurts.

I am trying to coax myself to work on all kinds of things piece by piece.

Decluttering.

Writing.

Art.

All of it is best done piece by piece but my brain wants to do it in one fell swoop.

It’s taking a lot of practice to pace myself.

I only have one (very fun) commitment this weekend so it was tempting to pack my schedule with all kinds of house projects.

Luckily, my tired brain prevailed and just refused to plan anything at all.

This has turned out for the best as I ease my way into my weekend.

I worked on one project for an hour last night and then hung out with my husband for the rest of the evening.

This morning, I did one chore, did some reading and took a bath.

Next up, an errand and another small chore.

Just taking things a little at a time.

Overall, I need to let go of the almost-subconscious idea that I have to finish everything before I relax.

Intellectually, I know that the tasks I am trying to finish will never actually be done, they are ongoing maintenance-type tasks, but on some level, my brain wants to do them first so I don’t forget about them while I am relaxing. There’s an idea buried in there that unless all the work is done, my relaxation is somehow imperfect.

What a twisty sort of thought.

Here’s to embracing imperfect relaxation and to keeping things as slow as possible.