I need a better plan for Mondays.

I often have trouble launching my week. I feel sluggish and tired and a bit overwhelmed by the week ahead and I kind of just want to read and drink tea.

Reading and drinking tea would be fine if I was relaxing into it but on the kind of Monday I am thinking of I have to put a lot of energy into mentally pushing away my to do list so I can read.

So it never feels relaxing and it never feels energizing, it’s just kind of a holding pattern.

As I write this, I’m reminded that this is another version of being ‘in-between’ – a (metaphorical) location that makes my life difficult.

When my kids were small, I would be in-between when I hadn’t had enough sleep and I thought I might be able to nap when they napped so I wouldn’t do anything to fully wake myself up. I might stay in my PJs longer than usual, I might not do anything energizing, I would inadvertently stay in sleepy mode so it would theoretically be easier to get back to sleep when I had a chance.

Spoiler: It NEVER worked out.

No matter how much I tried, I would either not get the chance to go back to sleep or I would find out that I had managed to wake myself up anyway and couldn’t nap when the opportunity arose.

What I needed to do on those sleepy days was to kindly and gently wake myself up by going through my routine and adding in a little extra movement or some time outside.

On the days that I did that, I actually felt a lot better – even if I didn’t get a nap.

In fact, every time I have successfully navigated the in-between, it was a result of making a decision one way or the other.

Today, that would look like making a decision to read and drink tea OR making a decision to go through my day as if I had my normal energy.

(Meanwhile, please note that at no time will I be beating myself up about how I feel or what I get done. That is never part of the plan.))

And since I know how I want to feel at the end of the day (satisfied with my activities) and I know what will bring me to that (knocking a few tasks off my list), I know what my decision will be:

Following my usual routine – just a little later than usual and a little more flexibly than usual – and ambling through my list.

I should note, though, that my list includes reading and drinking tea for at least 15 minutes so I might start there. 😉

I thought it would be fine to share my banana with the dog.

(By breaking off pieces to give her – we weren’t alternating bites or anything!)

She, however, felt that she should have her own banana – or so I assume since she was looking at me like this just now.

I’m really happy with how I spent my first Saturday of summer.

I read and drank iced tea and did some lawn work and listened to a podcast – all without feeling stressed or rushed and without any sense that I had to finish anything.

I hope I can come back to this feeling again and again.

If you believe what the lilacs outside my front door tell you, apparently this spring has been good for them.

Is it weird to make a project out of relaxing?

Probably.

I’m used to being weird though so I’ll carry on.

I need to reset my base level of relaxation.

For too long, my starting level has been tuned too high so I am rarely fully relaxed and I tip into feeling overwhelmed far too easily.

So, I am making a project out of dialing my internal relaxation levels down.

This involves yoga, stretching, journaling, art, meditation, and this morning, it involves sitting in my swing at 7:00am and then having an ice cream cone for breakfast.

Right now, I am sitting on my yoga mat on my patio and drinking iced tea before I write in my journal.

Sure, it’s important to get to my to do list but it’s much more important that I feel ok, that I feel restful, that I dial back my stress levels.

I want to turn down my hypervigilance.

I am seeking ease.