I had a rough morning.

All kinds of stuff went wrong. Nothing huge, just annoying stuff.

I felt like I had to carry too many things and that I kept dropping them – metaphorically, not literally.

I felt like I was being pulled in multiple directions as questions popped up while I was in the middle of other stuff.

I realized at lunchtime that I had forgotten to make some oatmeal loaf this morning – something I had promised my son I would do for him today.

Then I dropped an egg on the floor.

And the whole time this was happening, I felt flustered and annoyed and resentful.

And I was feeling stressed about trying to get a few things done that I couldn’t even start until late in the day.

It turns out that I had forgotten to take my meds this morning.

So I was trying to push my unmedicated brain through a very convoluted day and to use that same brain to plan ahead.

Once I took my meds and my brain started to untangle I felt such compassion for myself – not only the me of today but the me of times past who would regularly end up in days that felt like this.

It was a relief to know what was going on and a relief to be able to dig myself out of it.

As I write this I am sitting on my bed being cranky.

I don’t have anything in particular to be cranky about. I just feel out of sorts because today was kind of jumbled and and I’m a bit out of it.

I might be getting a migraine?

It feels like I’m in that neighbourhood, at least.

I started my day at the dentist and getting a filling often puts me at risk of a migraine .

So, yeah, I’m all jumbled.

There was just too much day in my day.

Today made me think of all the warm walks the spring and summer will hold.

?

I did ok with pacing myself through my day yesterday and I’m doing ok with it today but that instinct to just do all of the things before resting is strong.

My brain obviously knows that it is hard for me to start tasks and it wants me to keep going while I am already in focus mode.

It worries that I will forget.

It worries that I will dive into something fun and struggle to stop doing that and start something else.

And I appreciate that my brain is trying to protect me.

But since doing all of the things right away is not even possible, I wish it would trust me to rest and then return.

Perhaps that will come over time.

I have several important things to get done this weekend and I am doing battle with my brain about them.

My brain wants me to get all of the things done ASAP and rest afterwards.

However, at least two of the things on my list have specific times attached to them (one is on Sunday evening!) so I can’t get them all done before taking downtime.

In fact, I need to blend my work and my downtime – a situation that is very challenging for me.

Because I have lost track of time so often in my life, my now-aware brain wants to keep reminding me of the outstanding tasks.

That inclination is, of course, an impediment to relaxing and having fun.

So I am trying to ensure that my brain understands that I will be alternating between rest and work throughout my days.

Hopefully it won’t rebel and prevent me from doing either one.

It’s so annoying to be reminded to rest when you’re working and being reminded to work when you’re resting.

It’s truly the most unsatisfying way to spend a day.

Cross your fingers for me.