As I mentioned the other day, I’ve been sick this week.

And I’ve already been sick a fair bit of this month, including having a few migraines.

And I hate how feelings sick several times in a row for something starts to feel wrong, it feels like trying to get out of something, even when I’m just sick.

I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult it must be for someone with a chronic illness who has recurring bouts of being sick how difficult that must be to navigate.

I’m not sure what someone feels in those circumstances but I can imagine that it must be very hard on the brain and you must feel very frustrated by other people’s reactions and questions.

Today, as I’m starting to feel better, I’m trying to find the balance between continuing to rest and slowly doing the things that are important to me on my to do list. The things that are within my capacity, of course.

I’m not well enough to do things that have to be completed all in one go. I’m not well enough to do things outside the house. I’m not well enough to do things that involve other people that aren’t on zoom right now.

But I feel like I might be at that point tomorrow so my goal today is to ensure that I don’t ruin things for myself for tomorrow by trying to do too much today.

And to try not to feel too weird about not doing things that I technically can but that would wear me out or set me back to where I was yesterday.

I had a great meeting yesterday about a story I am preparing with someone.

We were both exploring ways to make the story develop, to help it come to life, to make all the parts work, and it made me realize once again how much I want to get better at slow, deliberate work.

My natural instinct is to find the straightest line from idea to done. I assume that comes from a desire to ensure that I don’t forget or abandon the task at hand, a desire to let the urgency of the moment draw me forward.

But it comes at a cost.

Some of my work, especially my personal creative work, is not as developed as ai would like it to be, there are things left unexplored.

It’s not as good as it good be.

And I’m not putting myself down with this, I’m generally pretty pleased with my creative work, but it could be even better.

It’s could have more depth, more nuance, more meaning.

It could resonate with more people.

If I can learn to work slowly and give my ideas time and space to develop more fully.

Damn it, January has been a tricky month for staying well.

I woke up yesterday morning with a bit of a sore throat and by yesterday evening I felt kind of off.

This morning, I had to go back to bed because I just didn’t feel up to being up.

Between migraines and colds, it has been difficult to take good care of myself this month.

At least my schedule has been relaxed enough so I can take some downtime without feeling too stressed.

For ages, I have been trying to work on certain projects by doing them a little at a time and I hadn’t noticed that it had stopped working.

At one point, I had two projects that I returned to for 20 mins a day each weekday and it was really pulling me forward.

But then it stopped.

And I found myself challenged to fit those things into the day and I would reschedule them for the next day and still not get to them.

That left me feeling like they were hanging over me all the time and they felt unnecessarily heavy and frustrating, like they were bigger and tanglier than they are.

Last week, though, I switched to picking a longer period on one specific day of the week for each of the tasks and that feels lot better.

I didn’t get a lot done on either one yet but I no longer feel like they are haunting me so I think that bodes well overall.

Ever since Dec 1, I have been writing a daily post on the group blog I usually write a weekly post for.

I love writing these posts. I find it pretty straightforward because I already have the structure in place and I know the kind of thing I am going to write about.

It’s not *easy* per se but the structure and the momentum makes it easier.

I need to take those facts and use them to make it easier to write on my coaching blog.