I’m trying to get a certain effect with small painted flowers but I haven’t figured out exactly how to do it yet.
I can’t really describe what I’m trying to do but I’m content with moving paint around on paper until I get what I’m looking for.
And even the results that aren’t quite right are still very fun.
This week has been a slog.
No specific disasters, just a bunch of small frustrations wearing me down.
I don’t feel like doing anything but doing nothing doesn’t make me feel any better so I have been letting my habits and routines carry me along.
Tonight, I feel especially grateful for my routine of walking the dog.
If she didn’t need to get out for a stroll tonight, I would have just spent the evening sitting around and that wouldn’t have served me well at all.
Thanks, Khalee-pup!
It’s always hard to tell if my approach to things come from ADHD or just my personality.
On the one hand, it doesn’t really matter one way or another, I have to approach things the way I approach them at least until I find a different way that I like better.
But, on the other hand, if my approach frustrates me, it would be useful to know whether it is ADHD or just some habit I picked up along the way or some habit I developed as an adaptation to living with ADHD.
Take for example my approach to getting yard work done today.
I know that my reluctance to get started is due to ADHD so I have developed some workarounds for that – setting clearly defined small tasks that I can quickly check off my list. My brain still resists but I have a fair bit of evidence that this does actually work so most of the time I can coax myself to do the thing.
And I know that my reluctance to stop once I get started is an ADHD thing, a kind of task hyper focus that just wants me to get it the end so I can *really* be done not “just” done for today.
But how about my challenges with ongoing or longer term projects like house or yard maintenance?
Today, for example, I am outside cleaning the yard – raking, getting rid of lawn debris, picking up litter than has blown into my yard.
I can see that my fence and my deck need to be painted and that I should clean up a few things and that the shed needs to be excavated (it’s a way bigger job than just cleaning) and the windows need their trim painted and…you get the idea.
Luckily, my medication lets me know that this isn’t a ‘do a weekend of house repair and you’ll be all set’ kind of thing. (Yes, at one point, my brain would try to convince me of that.)
But I am still left with the feeling that I should try to do all of that stuff as soon as possible and THEN I can relax in the yard.
Simultaneously, I’m also thinking that the weather here is so unpredictable that it would be better to spend the nice days relaxing – that other work will get down when it gets done.
BUT!
I know that unless I make a clear plan about when and how to do something my brain will continuously tell me that it is too much work to get done right now, that I had better leave it until the not now.
So, that can really leave me in a tangle.
It’s hard to get started so I have to make the tasks “worth it” for the energy it takes to get going but I have to plan well enough so I don’t wear myself out trying to do everything at once.
I have to ensure that I don’t leave things too long but I also don’t want to miss out on the best days of summer while I trudge though the house and yard work.
So I am trying to find something in between.
I’m trying to figure out how to plan out my tasks over weekdays and weekends – allowing for weather – while including fun and relaxation in those very same days.
I’m trying NOT to get stuck in ‘Do your work before it slips your mind and have your fun after.’
And I’m trying to avoid ‘You’ll be able to REALLY relax if you get everything done.’
I’m trying to learn how to have more fun in the middle of projects without just ignoring the project altogether.
Let’s see how this goes. 😉
I have had some really terrific conversations this week about all kinds of great things – storytelling, business, volunteer work, finances. I feel really excited and hopeful about the possibilities on all fronts.
But this is where the tricky part comes in…
My brain wants to do all of it at once.
In fact, if I try to approach it any other way my brain gets really cranky about it and sometimes refuses to do anything at all.
So, I’m all thinky again over here.
What does my brain need in order to feel safe doing just one thing at a time?
What pattern of activity can I create in order to convince my brain that progress is being made?
How can I *see* that progress AND not try doing all of the things at the same time?
So, yeah, like I said: I’m all thinky…again.
Despite how much rain we have had over the last few months, I was still delighted to see and hear the rain this morning.
A warm rainy day in the summer has a whole different feel than a dreary drizzly day in spring.
I’ll still be annoyed if it rains for days on end but today, after a few wonderfully warm days – including yesterday’s bright, sunshiny one – I can welcome the sound and smell of raindrops falling from the trees in my yard.
And, as a bonus, I can’t mow the lawn in the rain so that’s one task off my list for today 😉
