I don’t know why I always forget how much my brain likes the process of organizing my space.
It feels as if creating outer order somehow contributes to creating inner order.
And I know that.
It works every time.
And yet, in any given befuddled moment, I forget about this thing that I know will work.
I hate that.
I’m not sure if I prefer daffodils or sunflowers overall but today daffodils are my favourite.
Last night, someone asked me what I was doing for the long weekend and my quick response was that I was doing nothing.
I’m not actually doing nothing of course.
I never do nothing.
For me, doing nothing is like a curse – it means my brain will be spinning – like a little buffering circle, over and over trying to figure out what I should be doing and it will cough up all kinds of ideas and distractions.
That doesn’t mean that I look for busy work though. I’m not just trying to keep busy.
Instead, I like to plan in a general way what I might like to do over the course of a day.
Even the most leisurely day gets roughly planned out so I don’t lose it to buffering.
I’m not planning a day full of work all the time but I am not doing ‘nothing.’
Watching TV with my husband is doing something, reading is doing something, planning to putter from task to task is doing something.
Lying on the floor looking at the ceiling is still choosing to do something.
I’m not someone who is all caught up in being productive but I am someone with a very light grasp on time. So if I don’t make a plan, I can easily lose a whole day and have no sense of how I spent my time.
The key, really, is to have the plan but be willing to change it if something unexpectedly fun comes along.
So, the literal truth is that I will be doing something this weekend – lots of creative tasks plus lots of short household tasks.
That’s not nothing. 😉
Things that are helping me to feel better these days:
1. Writing posts about my grief on the blog at Fit is a Feminist Issue – post 1 and post 2
2. Following through on the items on my Todoist list. Following through might mean doing them (at the very least there are 5 or 6 personal items I have done daily), it might mean delegating them, or it might mean rescheduling them. Either way, looking at my lists keeps the days from blending into one another.
3. Walking the dog
4. Talking to friends – whether we talk about what’s in my head or what’s in theirs, it’s all good.
5. Accepting that some days will be trickier than others and that’s just how these things go.
Yesterday was a pretty good day but I didn’t sleep well last night and today is really hard.
My walk with Khalee helped a bit.
I assume things will keep going like this for a long time and I just have to remember that there will be more peaceful days ahead.
