Mombie – a bit of everything

Feeling Peaceful This Morning

Now that all of the formal mourning is behind me, the decisions and the wake and the funeral, I have a sense of peace about everything.

I’m sad and I’m tired and I can’t really fathom that I’ll never be able to make my Dad laugh again.

Making my Dad laugh wasn’t hard but it felt like a victory every time.

But still, I feel peaceful.

I did what I could when I could.

I helped everyone say goodbye in a fitting way.

And I loved my Dad completely, even when he was frustrating me.

So, even as I work to get used to life without him, I can feel at ease about the time we had together.

I just wish there had been more of it.

So Tired

After my week of busy sadness, I am too tired today to write much of anything so here is a picture of our family’s lizard Moreekow.

This is an old photo, but I love how ‘over it’ he looks

A gecko on his belly in a terrarium
Moreekow, a leopard gecko, lies on his belly with his chin on his water dish.

Disoriented and Sad

My Dad died on Saturday.

I couldn’t say anything before because we wanted to contact all our relatives first.

I mean, the chances that any of them would see this blog are practically zero but still.

Dad had been unwell for a long time but I honestly thought he would go on forever, perhaps getting more and more frail and more and more curmudgeonly but hanging on despite all odds.

But I was wrong.

And now I feel like I misunderstood something fundamental about the world and I haven’t quite recalibrated yet.

It is positively disorienting.

Sunday View

It’s warm enough and bright enough to lie in my swing today.

Here’s looking up.

A photo of bare tree branches, the black rope from a swing, and the cloudy sky beyond.
Image description: a photo of a cloudy sky, bare tree branches, and the black ropes from my swing. I took this photo while lying on my back in my swing.

Yesterday, I was outside

Last fall, we forgot to take off the caps on the posts on our patio and over the course of the winter, they fell off.

Yesterday was such a nice day that I wanted to get outside for a few minutes so I chose to go find the scattered post caps. (I found 6 of 8 so that was a victory. I think the other two are in a small snowbank on one side of the patio.)

While I was outside in the sunshine, I realized that I had enough time to sit in my swing for a few minutes.

So I did.

And I was astounded by how quickly my body relaxed.

I actually didn’t sit, instead I lay down across the saucer swing and just let it swing gently back and forth.

I swear, I felt the tension in my muscles melt.

Just thinking about it today is having the same effect.

I don’t know why that swing is so relaxing but damn it, I’ll take it!