Author: Christine

Christine http://www.mombie.com I'm a writer/storyteller/director/creativity & lifestory coach with a black belt in ITF Taekwon-do. I read voraciously and I write like my fingers are on fire. I'm the founder and Co-Chair of the Association for the Arts in Mount Pearl and I'm the current president of the St. John's Storytelling Festival. I bake a mean chocolate chip cookie.

Long Weekend Ahead

Last night, someone asked me what I was doing for the long weekend and my quick response was that I was doing nothing.

I’m not actually doing nothing of course.

I never do nothing.

For me, doing nothing is like a curse – it means my brain will be spinning – like a little buffering circle, over and over trying to figure out what I should be doing and it will cough up all kinds of ideas and distractions.

That doesn’t mean that I look for busy work though. I’m not just trying to keep busy.

Instead, I like to plan in a general way what I might like to do over the course of a day.

Even the most leisurely day gets roughly planned out so I don’t lose it to buffering.

I’m not planning a day full of work all the time but I am not doing ‘nothing.’

Watching TV with my husband is doing something, reading is doing something, planning to putter from task to task is doing something.

Lying on the floor looking at the ceiling is still choosing to do something.

I’m not someone who is all caught up in being productive but I am someone with a very light grasp on time. So if I don’t make a plan, I can easily lose a whole day and have no sense of how I spent my time.

The key, really, is to have the plan but be willing to change it if something unexpectedly fun comes along.

So, the literal truth is that I will be doing something this weekend – lots of creative tasks plus lots of short household tasks.

That’s not nothing. 😉

Yesterday’s Monster

Meet Jane.

She’s got some good advice about being nervous.

Image description, a drawing of a shaggy monster, with a purple head, arms and legs and a teal body. She’s got big eyes and gold teeth. Black text beneath her reads “Jane is reminding herself that it’s ok to be nervous when things are really important to her…or anytime really. SheMs being kind to herself about it and she hopes you will, too.

A short list

Things that are helping me to feel better these days:

1. Writing posts about my grief on the blog at Fit is a Feminist Issue – post 1 and post 2

2. Following through on the items on my Todoist list. Following through might mean doing them (at the very least there are 5 or 6 personal items I have done daily), it might mean delegating them, or it might mean rescheduling them. Either way, looking at my lists keeps the days from blending into one another.

3. Walking the dog

4. Talking to friends – whether we talk about what’s in my head or what’s in theirs, it’s all good.

5. Accepting that some days will be trickier than others and that’s just how these things go.

Ups and Downs

Yesterday was a pretty good day but I didn’t sleep well last night and today is really hard.

My walk with Khalee helped a bit.

A photo of a shallow river in early spring.
A sunny day photo of a shallow river with lots of exposed stones, surrounded by winter-worn grass and bare trees.

I assume things will keep going like this for a long time and I just have to remember that there will be more peaceful days ahead.

Feeling Peaceful This Morning

Now that all of the formal mourning is behind me, the decisions and the wake and the funeral, I have a sense of peace about everything.

I’m sad and I’m tired and I can’t really fathom that I’ll never be able to make my Dad laugh again.

Making my Dad laugh wasn’t hard but it felt like a victory every time.

But still, I feel peaceful.

I did what I could when I could.

I helped everyone say goodbye in a fitting way.

And I loved my Dad completely, even when he was frustrating me.

So, even as I work to get used to life without him, I can feel at ease about the time we had together.

I just wish there had been more of it.