I created my first colouring sheet for grown-ups yesterday and I am thrilled with how it turned out.
I had been working on this in my head for days but, as usual, I didn’t solve it by thinking, I made it ‘work’ by starting to draw something and then course-correcting as I went.
Glerg, I hate when I learn the same lesson over and over again in the one week.
I have always said that it will never be a big thing that defeats me, it will an onslaught on little things.
When a big crisis occurs, my brain automatically puts things in perspective – I can see what’s important and what to brush off, I know how to choose between tasks and ideas, I can prioritize and delegate.
When small hassles occur, especially when they arrive in a group, I get easily overwhelmed and defeated.
This is definitely an ADHD thing but I undoubtedly put my own personal spin on it as well.
One day last week, I was so frazzled by little things that I had to ask my husband to drive me to the drugstore because I wasn’t sure I had the wherewithal to drive. And once I was inside, the collective hassles of the day had my brain so jumbled that I lost track of what I was doing because someone at the other counter had a whiny voice.
Is it ridiculous? Absolutely.
Is it still a problem? Definitely.
You see, knowing that a situation or an issue is affecting me disproportionately does not change my experience, especially in the moment.
I’ve gotten pretty good at saying to friends and family, “I know my stress about this is out of whack but please help me.”
Instead of being hard on myself and instead of getting frustrated by what feels like indifference or sabotage by other people, my ADHD diagnosis has helped me see this as a perception problem and ask for help in a more sensible way.
Some days, though, no amount of help will help.
Yesterday, I just had one tiny thing after another happen to me – to the point that my husband and I were joking that someone had cursed me – and I couldn’t seem to get a grip on things at all.
I’m sure part of the problem was that my back was wonky so I had a low frustration tolerance but mostly it was a string of annoying coincidences.
I gave up on trying to move forward. I took a bath and then lay down to read for a while.
It kind of felt like being defeated by hassles but I prefer to think of it as a strategic retreat.
Gotta choose your battles, right?
I have heard a lot of writers and artists talk about the terror or intimidation they feel when facing the blank page.
I get what they mean but my challenges with getting started don’t really manifest that way.
A blank page is full of possibilities, I could put anything on there!
I get stuck in pre-draft mode though, imagining that I need to do a lot more thinking than I actually do before beginning a project.
I’ve learned that there is no point in my thinking process when I’ll say ‘Time to get this down on paper!’ Instead, I have to pick a time and get started, even if I fill my paper with doodles or my screen with rambly text.
Sooner or later (usually sooner) something will click and I’ll have a place to start.
Then I start (literally or metaphorically) moving that idea closer or further from the other ideas I have and the action of moving that idea around helps the others fall into place.
But getting myself to that point where I will commit something to paper or to screen can be a challenge so I have started ‘ruining’ my page* to help me get started.
On the screen, I’ll type (or dictate) the question I’m trying to address or I’ll copy a quote or I’ll type what I *don’t* want to say about this topic an why I don’t want to say it.
On the page, I’ll make some weird headings or if it is a drawing, I’ll add a line that has nothing to do with what I’m trying to create. (The line below is in ink because I am just playing, I might do it in pencil for a drawing for a public purpose.)
Once I have ‘ruined’ my page, I find it a lot easier to break out of thinking mode and into doing mode.
And my friends and coaching clients who are intimidated by the blank page find the same thing.
Something about getting those first marks out of the way helps me (and them) get to the next steps.
I highly recommend ruining your work.
*I teach a workshop called ‘start by ruining it’ – it’s big fun!
Khalee is somehow both vigilant and relaxed in the yard.
And I am sitting on my patio mat about to do some yoga.
It’s warm, I drank my tea outdoors, and I feel relaxed.
It’s finally summer!
5 things I want to do this summer, in no particular order.
1) hula hoop in the back yard
2) go on a day hike with my friend Jan and stop for a reading break
3) swim in a pond
4) have tea with Mom on her patio
5) have a long chat around the firepit with my friends
