Mombie – a bit of everything

Great in a crisis, defeated by a hassle?

I have always said that it will never be a big thing that defeats me, it will an onslaught on little things.

When a big crisis occurs, my brain automatically puts things in perspective – I can see what’s important and what to brush off, I know how to choose between tasks and ideas, I can prioritize and delegate.

When small hassles occur, especially when they arrive in a group, I get easily overwhelmed and defeated.

This is definitely an ADHD thing but I undoubtedly put my own personal spin on it as well.

One day last week, I was so frazzled by little things that I had to ask my husband to drive me to the drugstore because I wasn’t sure I had the wherewithal to drive. And once I was inside, the collective hassles of the day had my brain so jumbled that I lost track of what I was doing because someone at the other counter had a whiny voice.

Is it ridiculous? Absolutely.

Is it still a problem? Definitely.

You see, knowing that a situation or an issue is affecting me disproportionately does not change my experience, especially in the moment.

I’ve gotten pretty good at saying to friends and family, “I know my stress about this is out of whack but please help me.”

Instead of being hard on myself and instead of getting frustrated by what feels like indifference or sabotage by other people, my ADHD diagnosis has helped me see this as a perception problem and ask for help in a more sensible way.

Some days, though, no amount of help will help.

Yesterday, I just had one tiny thing after another happen to me – to the point that my husband and I were joking that someone had cursed me – and I couldn’t seem to get a grip on things at all.

I’m sure part of the problem was that my back was wonky so I had a low frustration tolerance but mostly it was a string of annoying coincidences.

I gave up on trying to move forward. I took a bath and then lay down to read for a while.

It kind of felt like being defeated by hassles but I prefer to think of it as a strategic retreat.

Gotta choose your battles, right?

I’m not exactly afraid of the blank page…

I have heard a lot of writers and artists talk about the terror or intimidation they feel when facing the blank page.

I get what they mean but my challenges with getting started don’t really manifest that way.

A blank page is full of possibilities, I could put anything on there!

I get stuck in pre-draft mode though, imagining that I need to do a lot more thinking than I actually do before beginning a project.

I’ve learned that there is no point in my thinking process when I’ll say ‘Time to get this down on paper!’ Instead, I have to pick a time and get started, even if I fill my paper with doodles or my screen with rambly text.

Sooner or later (usually sooner) something will click and I’ll have a place to start.

Then I start (literally or metaphorically) moving that idea closer or further from the other ideas I have and the action of moving that idea around helps the others fall into place.

But getting myself to that point where I will commit something to paper or to screen can be a challenge so I have started ‘ruining’ my page* to help me get started.

On the screen, I’ll type (or dictate) the question I’m trying to address or I’ll copy a quote or I’ll type what I *don’t* want to say about this topic an why I don’t want to say it.

On the page, I’ll make some weird headings or if it is a drawing, I’ll add a line that has nothing to do with what I’m trying to create. (The line below is in ink because I am just playing, I might do it in pencil for a drawing for a public purpose.)

a top-down view of a notebook, a silver-coloured teapot, a cup of tea, and a spoon on a wooden table.?
Image description: a top-down photo of a notebook, a silver-coloured teapot, a cup of tea, and a spoon on a wooden table. The cup is decorated with tentacles on the outside, and small drawings of people clinging to the edge on the inside. The notebook has a thin, curvy black line drawn from side to side on the open page. The line looks like a very sloppy W.

Once I have ‘ruined’ my page, I find it a lot easier to break out of thinking mode and into doing mode.

And my friends and coaching clients who are intimidated by the blank page find the same thing.

Something about getting those first marks out of the way helps me (and them) get to the next steps.

I highly recommend ruining your work.

*I teach a workshop called ‘start by ruining it’ – it’s big fun!

Finally, the day I’ve been waiting for!

Khalee is somehow both vigilant and relaxed in the yard.

A light haired dog sitting in the grass and sniffing the air on a sunny day.
Image description: a sunshine-y photo of Khalee, my light-haired medium-sized dog, is wearing a fun purple cooling scarf while she sits in the grass (a low kind of sitting, with her belly on the ground and her back paws under her) while she sniffs the air and looks to the left of the photo.

And I am sitting on my patio mat about to do some yoga.

It’s warm, I drank my tea outdoors, and I feel relaxed.

It’s finally summer!

That’s one hurdle cleared

I was really dreading Father’s Day.

I’ve always felt bad about how everyone on social media changes their photos and writes a little post about how their Dad is the greatest. All I could think of was how terrible people who had lost their Dads or people who didn’t have the Dad they needed (or any Dad at all) must feel about that celebration of fatherhood.

Usually, my Father’s Day post would be about how it was ok to feel however you feel about the day – to celebrate if you felt good and it was ok to be angry or sad or whatever and to take good care of yourself while you felt those feelings.

This year, though, I wasn’t even up to that.

I was dreading the day – especially since I seemed to be getting so many targeted ads about Father’s Day gifts. I suspect that all my posts about my Dad’s death signalled the algorithm that I wanted to see things about fathers (sigh.)

So, I made a plan for taking good care of myself in case the day was hard.

I felt ok about some things but not about others.

I was ok with doing the usual celebrations for my husband and with making cookies and a card for my beloved Father-in-law.

But I knew I couldn’t go and visit my FIL and I couldn’t drop by my Mom’s place.

And posting on FB was out of the question – in fact, I knew I had better minimize my time on there entirely.

With those protections in place, my day went as smoothly as possible.

I had a few tears – especially when it occurred to me to call my Dad so he wouldn’t think I had forgotten to wish him Happy Father’s Day.

I felt a bit down and kind of stuck so I took things as easily as possible, with lots of breaks and lots of low-key things I enjoy (I did a lot of doodling yesterday.)

I had a good text chat with a dear friend of mine.

I went to bed early.

It wasn’t an easy day but it wasn’t nearly as hard as it could have been.

I’m glad it’s behind me though.

Ready for summer…

I’m just waiting on the damn weather to get the hint.

It’s 5 degrees and raining today.

I’m not a fan.

A photo of a patio, a chair, and two tables on a rainy day
Image description: a photo of the corner of my patio. There is a lawn chair with a red cushion, a small round red table and a white table that is hanging off the patio railing. The grass in the background is bright green, but the tree directly behind the chair has only very small leaves on it yet. It is a rainy day.