5 things I want to do this summer, in no particular order.
1) hula hoop in the back yard
2) go on a day hike with my friend Jan and stop for a reading break
3) swim in a pond
4) have tea with Mom on her patio
5) have a long chat around the firepit with my friends
The only difference between my winter schedule, and my summer schedule is the fact that I don’t have taekwondo classes during the summer.
So I have been looking forward to “summer break” but without kids in school and with my various projects and tasks continuing into the summer things aren’t going to be all that different.
Except for the fact that my single regularly scheduled activity won’t be happening.
And I guess that change in routine is enough to shake things up a bit.
Freeing up two evenings and Saturday morning is enough to give me a feeling of expansiveness, like there is more time to do the things I want to do.
Yes, realistically, my TKD classes aren’t in the way of things I want to do but I have those evenings and Saturday mornings blocked off in my mental schedule so they feel like nothing else can go on around those times (this is a mental hurdle I’m working on.)
So, with those classes no longer a factor in my schedule, I really feel like I can explore what kind of summer I want to have, how I want to spend my time, how I can fully enjoy the extra freedom of a changed schedule, warmer weather (I hope!) and a clear idea of the things I want to do.
Now I just need to get that clear idea in place. 😉
Yesterday was a pretty good day but I didn’t sleep well last night and today is really hard.
My walk with Khalee helped a bit.
I assume things will keep going like this for a long time and I just have to remember that there will be more peaceful days ahead.
Now that all of the formal mourning is behind me, the decisions and the wake and the funeral, I have a sense of peace about everything.
I’m sad and I’m tired and I can’t really fathom that I’ll never be able to make my Dad laugh again.
Making my Dad laugh wasn’t hard but it felt like a victory every time.
But still, I feel peaceful.
I did what I could when I could.
I helped everyone say goodbye in a fitting way.
And I loved my Dad completely, even when he was frustrating me.
So, even as I work to get used to life without him, I can feel at ease about the time we had together.
I just wish there had been more of it.
I didn’t manage to plant anything last fall but I am sure grateful that other people did.
Thanks to my neighbour for planting these crocuses.
