Author: Christine

Christine http://www.mombie.com I'm a writer/storyteller/director/creativity & lifestory coach with a black belt in ITF Taekwon-do. I read voraciously and I write like my fingers are on fire. I'm the founder and Co-Chair of the Association for the Arts in Mount Pearl and I'm the current president of the St. John's Storytelling Festival. I bake a mean chocolate chip cookie.

On laundry and executive function

The first item on my to do list this morning was to put my dobok (Taekwondo uniform) in the wash.

I meant to do it on Saturday but I was painting the living room that day so I put it off until Sunday. On Sunday, I was sick so I couldn’t go help with the TKD class anyway…you get the picture.

So, I had this reminder on my list today and after my tea, I was trying to talk myself into doing the laundry and get it out of the way.

Even though I know better, I was telling myself to ‘Just go do it! Just grab your dobok and put it in the washer.’

You may be reading that sentence and asking why I need to know better than to say that. If so, you probably don’t have ADHD – or at least yours is nothing like mine.

You see, for someone with executive function challenges, putting on a load of laundry isn’t just a one step thing. And it took me a long time to learn that ‘put on a load of laundry’ is shorthand for all of the steps involved.

A neurotypical person, or at least a neurotypical person who isn’t currently anxious or depressed, probably doesn’t realize how many steps there are in the process.

For me to put in a load of laundry, I have to walk myself through all of this:

  • Determining that laundry is, indeed, a priority right now
  • Reminding myself that, despite how it feels, laundry doesn’t actually take all day
  • Deciding to put aside all of the other things clamouring for my attention
  • Stopping the thing I am doing (even if it is just sitting at the table) and switching to the next task
  • Going upstairs
  • Choosing which clothes can go in the load with the needed item
  • Putting all the items in a basket
  • Bringing them down two flights of stairs while consciously ignoring all the visual clues of other things that need to be done
  • Possibly having to take clothes out of the dryer then put the clothes from the washer into the dryer and turn it on
  • Put current load into the washer and pay attention to all the settings that might need to change
  • Remember that the clothes are in the washer and need to go into the dryer (I usually set a timer to remind me)

That’s a lot of things when you put it out into a list, isn’t it?

For a neurotypical person, it’s usually compressed into ‘do laundry’ – a single task. But for someone who has trouble directing their attention, there are at least 11 decisions to make and 11 opportunities to get distracted.

Even the idea of walking through all of those steps and keeping my focus through all of those challenges feels tiring.

I do it, of course. I’m a grown up who knows she has ADHD and who has had to figure out ways to do the things that need doing.

But all of the irritation and frustration about it is still there, under the surface.

And there is always a chance that any one of those things could go sideways and get me off track.

So, that’s why telling myself to ‘Just do it! Just grab your dobok and put it in the washer!’ is something unhelpful for me to do.

Instead, I need to be kinder to myself, even in that small way.

Sometimes I need to itemize that list and check off each piece.

Sometimes, I set a timer and tell myself to jump up and get started when it goes off.

Sometimes, I need to reward myself for getting started, other times I reward myself for finishing.

Either way, I try to give myself what I need to get the job done.

After all, having a clean dobok is the goal and I can take any path that gets me there.

A Poem A Day In April

For the longest time I would respond to the question “What do you write?” with “Pretty much anything you’ll pay me to write…except poetry.”

It’s not that I don’t like poetry.

And it’s not that I can’t write poems.

It’s that I am not particularly drawn to write poems and I have never worked on my skills in that area.

I am much more comfortable in other forms or word work and I haven’t felt the need to dig into poetry.

And, of course, given how my brain works, I was forgetting that poets work in drafts the same as every other writer…the same as any other creative person.

Then, recently, I received Sage Cohen’s newsletter in which she mentioned her book Write a Poem a Day: 30 Prompts to Unleash Your Imagination and I was intrigued.

Could I write a poem every day for 30 days?

Well, if I didn’t worry about writing a *good* poem, I probably could.

And since lots of people write a poem a day in April (it’s poetry month!), it seemed like a good time to give it a whirl.

I didn’t officially join a challenge or anything, I just decided to putter along with it by myself.

And the first two days have been really interesting.

As I mentioned above, I had previously forgotten that poets wouldn’t just be able to create a perfect poem on the first try but I had come to realize that poets do drafts just like anyone else.

However, I hadn’t really thought about what that would mean from a ‘getting down to work’ standpoint.

I mean, when I need to write prose, I have long since abandoned the idea that I need to be inspired…

Wait, that’s not completely true.

My conscious mind has abandoned that idea but it still floats around my subconscious and keeps me from getting started sometimes. It’s only when I actually turn my conscious attention to a slow-starting project that I realize I have been waiting for inspiration.

In fact, ‘Are you waiting for inspiration?’ is the first thing on my list of check-in questions for when I am feeling stalled.

I am a professional writer. I know that inspiration often only kicks into gear once you are already writing.*

But, I guess, unconsciously, I saw poetry as something different, something a little more inspiration-fuelled.

However, on Saturday, April 1, when I read Sage Cohen’s prompt for day 1 and sat down with my notebook, I wasn’t inspired but I was determined.

So I did the same thing I do at the beginning of any writing project, I started putting words on paper,

And then I rearranged those words.

And then I added some more.

Took some away.

And then I had a poem.

Not a great but a decent one. Definitely one that I could shape into something better if I worked on it a bit more.

It was a really cool realization.

The process was the same. I could use the exact same skills and produce something entirely different.

Now, I’m not saying that two days of poems makes me a poet. And poetry commissions won’t be a thing.

But it has been amazing to realize that I can express ideas in poems by just sitting down and working at them.

I don’t need to know anything else.

I don’t need to build my skills first.

I can just keep moving words around until they end up in the right places.

And it’s fun.

*Yes, sometimes it shows up first and I am drawn to the page but mostly I decided to start writing and the act of getting started pulls inspiration to me.

On creating order

We painted our living room this weekend and amidst the tidying and rearranging, I somehow awoke a need to move through the entire house in a flurry, creating order, adding intention, tidying things up.

Just like most people’s houses, ours is rather cluttered. It’s filled with stuff we love and stuff we used to love, and all of the equipment for the people we hoped we’d be (or that we were for a while.)

I’d love to be able to just forge ahead, working all day for weeks in a row to get rid of stuff, organize stuff, find the right place for everything.

Alas, I have other priorities too so I have to squeeze in the organizing a little bit at a time.

My brain just hates that but I am going to keep trying to convince it that working that way will, eventually, help me get all of the stuff done.

Let’s see how it goes.

Saturday Six for April 1, 2023

I’m going to post every day in April just to see how I like it. Expect to see a fair number of lists. 😉

Here are 6 things I enjoyed this week:

1) Being able to walk in sneakers instead of boots:

A top down view of the author’s light purple sneakers as she stands on her street.
The fact that my shadow makes it seem that I have one giant leg is cracking me up here. Image description: a top down photo of my feet (in light purple sneakers) and the bottom of my legs (in black leggings) as I stand on some salt-speckled asphalt. My shadow extends up and to the left.

2) Feeling like my projects and ideas were organized. (Thanks for working the way my brain works, Todoist!)

3) Telling stories and teaching storytelling to a group of my Mom’s friends.. (We had a GREAT time!)

4) Finishing a big section of one of my current work projects. (Hurrah for working in short sessions! Perseverance for the win!)

5) Three sunny days this week. (Temperatures above freezing! Yay!)

6) Buying paint to get started on the living room. (I’ve been trying to get around to that for AGES.)

Places of ordinary magic

There are spots along a path near my house where you can see the rocks in the river, and the overarching trees and the sight always makes my heart happy.

Ordinary magic is just as valuable as fancy magic.

A photo of a small stream and the trees/shrubs on both banks.
Image description: a view of a section of a stream at the bottom of a short slope. There are some bare tree branches, some evergreen branches, shrubs, and brown leaves and dirt on either bank of the river. Variously sized rocks are partially submerged in the water.